Friday, January 8, 2016

Relationship Reflections

Whether or not any of this is worth reading, eh its my blog so here we go. There are so many points I have learned from my divorce, my failed marriage and my relationships after my marriage had ended. Whether this person was a go between life to have me learn new lessons, is still not fully decided, but in regards in the people I have met I have truly found I have learned a lot about myself and about life while trying to go through the process of "healing"..

For one its okay to fail. With failing you learn more about what went wrong. I am sure there is a lot of people on this earth that go around thinking they are perfect and I am glad life is perfect for them, but for the rest of us, that's just not how things roll. Shit usually falls down hill sorta speak. By knowing what you did, or how you lived and what you were not happy with, you know in the future what you will not ever again stand. Therefore, lesson learnt right? I am sure there are people that will say anything is fixable, but honestly there is only so much that is and Respect if not there, is not something that will ever be able to be fixed, does not matter how much scotch tape you have.

Taking time for yourself and truly reflecting on what type of person you truly wish to be. Many people just float around and just go with it, hang out with their families and just end up the way other people expect you to be. By stepping away, living alone, and adjusting your thoughts your able to truly come up with your own thought process. Read more. You get more constructive and actually know how much you are truly deserving of certain aspects in life.

From my marriage I know what went wrong, doesn't matter at the end, people tend to fly south with their emotions but during the I suppose their was a moment that could have been saved and neither of us really gave two shits. Date nights stopped. Sex became unimportant and really any time spent was a thing of the passed. Digital appliances were something that were more important than actual human beings. Which is something more dominant in today's culture. SO, video games, TV (seriously who the hell needs a TV in the bedroom..never again!), Movies, cell phones, smart phones, you name it, your on and your avoiding your loved ones. For the future, if the person is on any digital things they will not stay long in my book I need their full attention. Just that simple.

Just being grateful for those times you do have alone. Looking around and knowing that you know what you don't have to deal with anyone's else's BS. Its pretty liberating. I had a really close friend that truly helped me realize how much I was truly sacrificing while being married and how I was not myself. I was not me. These types of people are honest and are willing to help with pretty much anything and from the outside able to get you through the shitty parts, especially the divorce part where your going through court dealing with asset division, yea fun times! While back at the ranch your able to meet up with these people and go dancing at your favorite beach hang out and eat a sandwich with at your favorite park. Its those simple experiences that get you through and in the end you realize what truly is important. Its your happiness. No amount of anything else can replace that.

You truly move on. You see yourself focusing on your future, you can see yourself taking over the world, whether or not you will fail at those things, lets do it. Cause you sure know that your ex would never or tried. You have your dog in toe, your friends texting and meeting up with you, as well as your family always rooting for you. You have that smile. It comes back after so long even though you think you will never smile again, or get that feeling of "sigh". At one point I only had that sigh, with a particular situation, but realizing you can get that sigh alone and not without anyone else, its liberating and your able to do anything. You move forward, you never forget and you realize those experiences helped you in life, made you who you are and makes you smarter for it. Whether or not everything was correct, who cares?

Life is not perfect. There are no road maps for this crap and I don't expect to stay on a perfect path. I am by no means someone that follows the perfect path anyway, and I am not average, cause if I was I suppose after marrying my high school sweetie, gotten pregnant and just given up my career like so many others, but knowing I wanted to at least have independence in my life and always have that control (my mom pushed this on me from an early age!!)( THANKS MOM your the best..). Not talking 100% control, but at least control to get up and leave if I am in a bad situation, I am not going to stay with anyone kids or no kids, just because they handle the finances, its just so silly, I work in order to keep my freedom. I have the freedom to do anything and for my generation and the next--I hope all women choose those options instead of sitting there and playing the victim. Since they truly don't have to put up such nonsense, lies, or any other crap, that we women have to deal with on a regular basis. Protecting yourself is another piece. Not just talking physically, but heart wise and every which way possible, hence always having a back up plan, education, ideas of businesses and having an emergency fund of money so you can leave at any point with just you or whatever kids you do have.

My last thought is if I had to change anything is to fall in love over and over with my partner and finding new ways to love them so it often grows into something new. That's the huge part I am seeing, people just give up, they stop going out and they just become complement of their situation. And obviously when something new and fun comes along, can you really blame them? You need to take care of your partner as whole--this works both ways or truly the relationship is dead. No relationship is affair proof, so always be on your guard, be the best person you can do them and care for them as much as you can while your with them. If you don't want to, then leave and stop wasting everyone's time. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other every day. No one has to stay with you, and there are no promises in life for anything. If you don't take someones heart into consideration there will be consequences and someone else may steal their heart.

This is starting to seem like a therapy session, but regardless in my self reflections I am sure there are others that feel this way as well. Love is love. And when people show you truly whom they are, believe them, since it will only get worse over time. Words to think about there. As with anything though, chin up, follow through and be confident that you at least did the right thing. I know I did. And I don't regret anything I have done in life. Lots of great moments, learning experiences and people that I will never forget. When You do feel lost, do not be afraid just go ahead and "live, until you truly feel alive.." It will happen again, and mind you your happiness is not bound to any other person being around. And that is what is the relationship that is truly important, the one with yourself.