Its been almost 8 months since putting down my dearest buddy Rira. Do I miss him? I do. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. But what I have realized is what I don't have now is another outlet to allow me to relax, smell him, pet him, brush him and fully escape from the everyday bullshit in today's society. Sure I have the gym, but there is nothing like the fresh air outside hanging around a horse.
With this downtime I did realize other factors--is the care at many of this barns was not something I really wanted to have to deal with again. Some places really aren't up to speed, or even the people at them. Horse ownership is hard and for those that say its cheap its far from it. Depending where you are, 400-500 to start. Hay alone can be around 7-10 for a good size bale. That doesn't even include normal shots from the vet, and if anything happened in between could range from a simple few hundred to a few thousands...Last year of owning Rira I spent a lot trying to diagnose him.
I am not made of money, but owning any animal does not come without its costs. If you can't see yourself spending an average of 600 ( rough average once you look at board, etc) a month on 1 horse, than really you cannot consider getting one. Once you put in all those factors and saving per month for farrier, vet and other fees that could occur, mind you this doesn't include your truck/trailer if you have or any other specialty clinics, lessons, or shows you could attend. First time in a while though I am able to go on work trips, or even weekend trips without having to worry about my care of my horses. Do you know how much of an aggravation that is when you take off and you have worry if your horse will be fed or not? Or begging friends to help you?
I know I will own horses again, its just I have not found the right time now. Owning horses is a full time investment, money, emotional, sense of worry and everything else that gets attached to it. Other part is knowing when to say goodbye. Its our jobs to do this. Once its uncomfortable we need to be brave enough to let go. Hardest part, but the simplest and most prized gift that we can give them is dignified goodbye. To me, horse ownership has taken on a different view. There is a beginning, middle and an end. Although I didn't see it before I see it now. Its something I hope all horse owners think about, because it will happen at one point.
Summer Game Plan
I been working home a lot, which means pretty much 10-12 hour days. With my job anyway I tend to work more since instead of driving to the office I wake up, log onto VPN and work. Yes- work in my PJs. Do I get a chance to hit the gym? Sure I do, every chance I can. I moved to a new place which allows for a larger at home gym and I am situated in the country, which allows for lots of walks with my dog and a short drive to a few gyms. Which all of them I have memberships to. Whats my goal this summer? Well really its just to relax more in my life.
Am I lifting? Yes, daily or some sort of exercise. My goal is to sustain and grow my muscle while still keeping my bf % around 15%. Why is this? Well I have not figured out my next step whether I will do another show or not, and its easier to sustain this lifestyle than go off the deep end. Especially when your body is used to being so clean for so long. Plus I like being this healthy, I like having this clean bulk and clean muscle. Nothing like this.
I don't often weight myself, but I do take measurements as well as get my bf % done. Its truly the best way to measure. I really go by how I am feeling though on a daily basis. But for a while I have just let so many things bother me in the long run. I'm healthy as a horse, but I truly allow so much to bother me. I just care too much about everyone in my life. I have a passion for those around me. I never do things half ass. This summer though is about me and really looking at what I need. Sure others might come into my life, but if I am not fully grounded than there really is not reason for anything else. Life tends to teach you lessons you just need to know when to listen, breathe and take a step back from it all.
I hope everyone is enjoying their summer so far. :)
Am I lifting? Yes, daily or some sort of exercise. My goal is to sustain and grow my muscle while still keeping my bf % around 15%. Why is this? Well I have not figured out my next step whether I will do another show or not, and its easier to sustain this lifestyle than go off the deep end. Especially when your body is used to being so clean for so long. Plus I like being this healthy, I like having this clean bulk and clean muscle. Nothing like this.
I don't often weight myself, but I do take measurements as well as get my bf % done. Its truly the best way to measure. I really go by how I am feeling though on a daily basis. But for a while I have just let so many things bother me in the long run. I'm healthy as a horse, but I truly allow so much to bother me. I just care too much about everyone in my life. I have a passion for those around me. I never do things half ass. This summer though is about me and really looking at what I need. Sure others might come into my life, but if I am not fully grounded than there really is not reason for anything else. Life tends to teach you lessons you just need to know when to listen, breathe and take a step back from it all.
I hope everyone is enjoying their summer so far. :)
Thursday, April 7, 2016
For everything there is a season..
And last night my Grandfather at 88 years old, slowly and peacefully passed away. I have no regrets, he lived a long life and we were grand all friends. I even got to talk to him earlier in the day, he told me he was proud of his Engineer granddaughter. That meant the world.
I figured I write a little bit about him, he truly was an amazing person and when he did something he never half assed anything and LIVED daily to the fullest. He was a miltary man, was in the Navy and met my beautiful Memere in bar near one of the ports he was stopped at. He knew right there an then, she was the one he would marry. 2 weeks later they were engaged and married. They didn't have a long honeymoon since he had to go back out and there was a hurricane, the day of their wedding which made things even more complicated. He traveled the world, was a decorated solider, smart amazing person. He was stern and soft. Loved his kids, grandkids and his animals. After leaving the military he worked for Levitan and Lacona.
Sadly after being married to his love of his life, for 65+ years, three children and retiring in Florida, he passed away and lost his battle to cancer. He never wanted to trouble anyone and he always just ehh- his pain or whatever what was going on in his life and always kept busy.
I am trying to remember him for the amazing person he was. He was not just some guy, he was a man that was on all different levels and most people today can't even come close to this. The type of honor he had for his family, life and country was beyond anything I have ever seen.
Wherever you are Pop, I am glad your not in pain anymore and hope we can hang out again in whatever fashion one day if that is even possible. Regardless, today is a stormy day. Just like any major event that happened in his life. I am happy that he was proud of me, since he knew I was proud of myself. That fitness, horse crazed, engineer which he often bragged about. Makes me smile. And that is the type of memories I will remember forever.
Until than on the flipside cheers to an amazing man. You helped build the person I am and for that I am thankful.
I figured I write a little bit about him, he truly was an amazing person and when he did something he never half assed anything and LIVED daily to the fullest. He was a miltary man, was in the Navy and met my beautiful Memere in bar near one of the ports he was stopped at. He knew right there an then, she was the one he would marry. 2 weeks later they were engaged and married. They didn't have a long honeymoon since he had to go back out and there was a hurricane, the day of their wedding which made things even more complicated. He traveled the world, was a decorated solider, smart amazing person. He was stern and soft. Loved his kids, grandkids and his animals. After leaving the military he worked for Levitan and Lacona.
I am trying to remember him for the amazing person he was. He was not just some guy, he was a man that was on all different levels and most people today can't even come close to this. The type of honor he had for his family, life and country was beyond anything I have ever seen.
Wherever you are Pop, I am glad your not in pain anymore and hope we can hang out again in whatever fashion one day if that is even possible. Regardless, today is a stormy day. Just like any major event that happened in his life. I am happy that he was proud of me, since he knew I was proud of myself. That fitness, horse crazed, engineer which he often bragged about. Makes me smile. And that is the type of memories I will remember forever.
Until than on the flipside cheers to an amazing man. You helped build the person I am and for that I am thankful.
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
3 Days out. You want to have what I have? Here's what you gotta do. :)
There are a lot of items that are key when prepping and getting ready for a show. Its just not 1 size fits all. you want to look good? You want abs? You want definition?
Here some items that I went through since January. Mind you I literally had less than 5 months between the last show, so my body never really 100% went back to where it was prior.
-weekly training sessions with trainer and posing
- 4-5 meals a day and a Gallon of water daily
- Carried meals and snack everywhere.
- Cut out all dairy and this included yogurt.
- Daily gym sessions, this included yes Cardio as well.
- Stopped all protein drinks a month in
- checked in with doctors/ got blood tests every month in order to confirm I was good on everything. (I am have hypothyroidism)
- Beginning of this went over with my nutritionist so I don't screw anything up including hormones and brain function.
- Pretty much kept away from any drinking and going out - if I did was a lot of large salads with grilled chicken.
-When I did cheat I used it as a "refeed", not a cheat day, but refeed, higher carbs, with lots of protein, not a lot of fat.
- Social life. If it didn't include something active I didn't do it. I stayed away from anything that was high liquor area and went to bed early as hell. I walked my dog, went on walk/hikes with friends and explored new areas. Its not something that happens over night, it takes time. But everyday builds. Obviously what I do might not work for others, but cutting out processed foods, dairy and most of my protein shakes, really has helped me health wise.
-Money: Have endless funds huh? Heres the breakdown:
12 weeks 500 Trainer.
150 Tanning. Normally I am just my normal color, I stay away from too much sun since I don't want to look older than I am.
Crystals for Suit 20 (thanks mom for fixing it, simply SUPER MOM!! )
Food? IDK 45 a week.
Protein and Supplements Roughly 350.
Fees and memberships 250
Drug tests 45, so silly.
Supportive friends that eye roll me while out asking for "stemmed veggies and other protein.." Priceless :) but FREE
Dig deep when you want something. You get 1 body-- and for anything I do I intended to do it the most healthy way possible. Remind you I am only 5'3 and I hold muscle pretty well. Fat normally holds onto its dear life on parts of my thighs, ass, arms and hips. Everyday my body looks different. Hormones, water, salt content, cycle, whatever, however you want to see it however my stress level and my coritisol levels are, you can appear different. One factor is weight I completely stayed away from, went by feeling of my clothes (which I am barely unable to fit any of mine at this point..) measurements, and pictures.
Here some items that I went through since January. Mind you I literally had less than 5 months between the last show, so my body never really 100% went back to where it was prior.
-weekly training sessions with trainer and posing
- 4-5 meals a day and a Gallon of water daily
- Carried meals and snack everywhere.
- Cut out all dairy and this included yogurt.
- Daily gym sessions, this included yes Cardio as well.
- Stopped all protein drinks a month in
- checked in with doctors/ got blood tests every month in order to confirm I was good on everything. (I am have hypothyroidism)
- Beginning of this went over with my nutritionist so I don't screw anything up including hormones and brain function.
- Pretty much kept away from any drinking and going out - if I did was a lot of large salads with grilled chicken.
-When I did cheat I used it as a "refeed", not a cheat day, but refeed, higher carbs, with lots of protein, not a lot of fat.
- Social life. If it didn't include something active I didn't do it. I stayed away from anything that was high liquor area and went to bed early as hell. I walked my dog, went on walk/hikes with friends and explored new areas. Its not something that happens over night, it takes time. But everyday builds. Obviously what I do might not work for others, but cutting out processed foods, dairy and most of my protein shakes, really has helped me health wise.
-Money: Have endless funds huh? Heres the breakdown:
12 weeks 500 Trainer.
150 Tanning. Normally I am just my normal color, I stay away from too much sun since I don't want to look older than I am.
Crystals for Suit 20 (thanks mom for fixing it, simply SUPER MOM!! )
Food? IDK 45 a week.
Protein and Supplements Roughly 350.
Fees and memberships 250
Drug tests 45, so silly.
Supportive friends that eye roll me while out asking for "stemmed veggies and other protein.." Priceless :) but FREE
Dig deep when you want something. You get 1 body-- and for anything I do I intended to do it the most healthy way possible. Remind you I am only 5'3 and I hold muscle pretty well. Fat normally holds onto its dear life on parts of my thighs, ass, arms and hips. Everyday my body looks different. Hormones, water, salt content, cycle, whatever, however you want to see it however my stress level and my coritisol levels are, you can appear different. One factor is weight I completely stayed away from, went by feeling of my clothes (which I am barely unable to fit any of mine at this point..) measurements, and pictures.
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
About a week out
There are many things that go through your head when prepping for something like this. Sure you love to fit, my the lifestyle really needs to be something that is healthy. I am one of those people though when I do something or go after anything I put my heart and soul into it. There is no stopping me and I will never give up.
Money aside, since I did have to pay a coach weekly for some assistance, posing and what I needed to improve on, its a huge time factor. Towards the end I am spending 2-3 hours daily just on working out. Forget a social life, forget family, friends, or whomever might be special, because this is a GOAL I wanted and in order to do it I needed to prioritize. Whether it really pissed others off whatever, I tend to be one that if I have to say sorry for not being around to hold peoples hands, really I don't need to be in those peoples lives anyway. I am a goal driven person and I am very independent. This is not something for the faint of heart either, you will be told your not thin enough, and even a coach will grab that roll, or whatever fat you have left..Mind you I am now at 10% and that is not even enough. Its all subjective and that is how you have to look at it. I love my body and myself to know what to do and what not to do. I get monthly blood tests, get monitored by a doctor and see a nutritionist. There is no magic formula, especially when dealing with something like this. No magic pills - although I like to think my Aminos and multi vitamins are since they truly help when you are cutting carbs down. So- How am I feeling? I am feeling good. My skin is clear, by body is not hungry, my tests all show good, thyroid is Okay.. (I am hypo), and I don't take meds for this. Head wise, its just mind over matter. Your tired to do things, but you do them anyway. Its just like anything else in the world though, you want it and you find a way. I nap a lot, but that is not something that is any different. I have never slept well and I am lucky if I get a few hours without waking up, so naps in my world are very important to keep me in a healthy balance. Attitude? Feeling ready to take over the world actually and I'm excited to eat a burger and FRIES, just no bun, because I literally can't eat that much bread anymore it makes me sick. The healthier you are, the more you realize what actually makes your body feel not as well. Breads, pastas, heavy sauces, dairy, butter, heavy fats, processed crap all make you pretty sick and at times make you throw up. I can't even eat a slice of pizza from my favorite place anymore between the dough and the greasy cheese, it makes me very sick. There are trade offs obviously, but they are worth it.
My body is worth it, I am worth it and in order to live this healthy lifestyle its just what I need to do. I don't want to live on pills so I can eat pizza or some random processed foods. I don't want heart disease or end up high blood pressure with other issues. There are so many things I can avoid just being healthy and for me its clear. I feel better 100% being this way and anyone that doesn't get it thats perfectly fine. But when they are sitting their asses in a hospital wishing they could of changed something that will be the moment they truly felt they should of changed something. It all comes down to one change. Thats it. Its not something that happens over night, its simple swaps, walking more, teaching your kids to live healthier, etc. Life is about living, not about sitting home watching tv eating fried dough crap. So live a little, get out there take a drive to your favorite country spot and have a nice picnic and hike. Take in the fresh air and just enjoy life.
Money aside, since I did have to pay a coach weekly for some assistance, posing and what I needed to improve on, its a huge time factor. Towards the end I am spending 2-3 hours daily just on working out. Forget a social life, forget family, friends, or whomever might be special, because this is a GOAL I wanted and in order to do it I needed to prioritize. Whether it really pissed others off whatever, I tend to be one that if I have to say sorry for not being around to hold peoples hands, really I don't need to be in those peoples lives anyway. I am a goal driven person and I am very independent. This is not something for the faint of heart either, you will be told your not thin enough, and even a coach will grab that roll, or whatever fat you have left..Mind you I am now at 10% and that is not even enough. Its all subjective and that is how you have to look at it. I love my body and myself to know what to do and what not to do. I get monthly blood tests, get monitored by a doctor and see a nutritionist. There is no magic formula, especially when dealing with something like this. No magic pills - although I like to think my Aminos and multi vitamins are since they truly help when you are cutting carbs down. So- How am I feeling? I am feeling good. My skin is clear, by body is not hungry, my tests all show good, thyroid is Okay.. (I am hypo), and I don't take meds for this. Head wise, its just mind over matter. Your tired to do things, but you do them anyway. Its just like anything else in the world though, you want it and you find a way. I nap a lot, but that is not something that is any different. I have never slept well and I am lucky if I get a few hours without waking up, so naps in my world are very important to keep me in a healthy balance. Attitude? Feeling ready to take over the world actually and I'm excited to eat a burger and FRIES, just no bun, because I literally can't eat that much bread anymore it makes me sick. The healthier you are, the more you realize what actually makes your body feel not as well. Breads, pastas, heavy sauces, dairy, butter, heavy fats, processed crap all make you pretty sick and at times make you throw up. I can't even eat a slice of pizza from my favorite place anymore between the dough and the greasy cheese, it makes me very sick. There are trade offs obviously, but they are worth it.
My body is worth it, I am worth it and in order to live this healthy lifestyle its just what I need to do. I don't want to live on pills so I can eat pizza or some random processed foods. I don't want heart disease or end up high blood pressure with other issues. There are so many things I can avoid just being healthy and for me its clear. I feel better 100% being this way and anyone that doesn't get it thats perfectly fine. But when they are sitting their asses in a hospital wishing they could of changed something that will be the moment they truly felt they should of changed something. It all comes down to one change. Thats it. Its not something that happens over night, its simple swaps, walking more, teaching your kids to live healthier, etc. Life is about living, not about sitting home watching tv eating fried dough crap. So live a little, get out there take a drive to your favorite country spot and have a nice picnic and hike. Take in the fresh air and just enjoy life.
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
#3weeks out
Framing up pretty well !! Lots of lat work last few months. Absolutely loved it. My body has never felt so strong. Haven't really weighed myself, I have clue. And don't care.i know my "reg clothes" feel tight or loose in some places. It's really in all how you feel.
Framing up pretty well !! Lots of lat work last few months. Absolutely loved it. My body has never felt so strong. Haven't really weighed myself, I have clue. And don't care.i know my "reg clothes" feel tight or loose in some places. It's really in all how you feel. Check with my coach- she says I need to loose more lbs on the mid section. So right now I am at 12% and need to be down to 8%. Happy 3 weeks to me..time to kick this shit into high gear!
Framing up pretty well !! Lots of lat work last few months. Absolutely loved it. My body has never felt so strong. Haven't really weighed myself, I have clue. And don't care.i know my "reg clothes" feel tight or loose in some places. It's really in all how you feel. Check with my coach- she says I need to loose more lbs on the mid section. So right now I am at 12% and need to be down to 8%. Happy 3 weeks to me..time to kick this shit into high gear!
Zoodles!
Recipe for this Zoodles and Chicken is as follows:
Use your Veggetti Spiral Vegetable Cutter ( they come in different formats- little ones you hand use or you can get the larger ones..-- but the smaller one first they are under $10 bucks to try
- Spiral 3-4 zucchini's or any squash as you wish
- In a pan, teaspoon of olive oil, dash of pepper, garlic, chive and throw in zoodles.
- add cooked chicken with pesto in pan.
-sear until completed.
Healthy food. Delicious.
For example: One cup cooked spaghetti has about 220 calories and 43 grams of carbohydrate. One small zucchini made into “zoodles” (zucchini noodles) has 20 calories and 4 grams of carbohydrate. So next time make the swap, you will be glad you did! wink emoticon
Happy Eating! Later and out.. #3weeksout!
- Spiral 3-4 zucchini's or any squash as you wish
- In a pan, teaspoon of olive oil, dash of pepper, garlic, chive and throw in zoodles.
- add cooked chicken with pesto in pan.
-sear until completed.
Healthy food. Delicious.
Happy Eating! Later and out.. #3weeksout!
Friday, February 12, 2016
#8weeks out
I never thought I do this again, but here I am. I kind of miss the prep. YUP, I missed it. Here's the deal, when you get to that close to being that HEALTHY, your body starts to reject most things that are processed. My face broke out, crazy rashes and even odd allergy attacks. All due to diet. Sure I did act like a little piggy, since I literally wanted to indulge on what I was not able to have prior, but what I realized is for most things I did not really miss it. Breads, pastas, dairy in particularly- pretty easy to avoid. It was the cookies, pies, brownies, candies and tacos- hard shells. You put that all together and you are in for disaster.
Your body will reject anything trying to hurt it and my body was doing exactly what it was made to do. When I was cleansed, my skin was clear, I was sleeping better, mood was up and up. Huge difference, now that I am fully back on the plan, (which few of my friends are on it with me for shits and giggles..), since they want to enjoy having a nice healthy body as well as the cosmetic reasons, who wouldn't want to be sexy for the summer? You be lying if you said you didn't.
My last prep I had a few work trips, which normally suck since working with coworkers, that literally eat until they burst, makes for more a challenge, but I have learned to head to the store wherever I am, carry my lovely thermal bag and have a "balance". Sure I will have a cookie, but I am not going to have 20. That's the difference. Do I have cravings? Sure. But the natural high is truly like anything else I have ever had.
Workout wise, I am lifting a little bit differently, heavier on back and shoulders, since I am doing figure. My coach is going to lend me this amazing suit, which I cannot WAIT to wear and I have been working on posing. Its a little bit different than bikini division, but I feel I will be better in this one since honestly I am not a "girly girl" by any means and as much as I like flaunting my $hit, I don't wear dresses, heels or any of those things, so the bikini posing and strut really was not my thing. I am a more of down to business, wearing my boots, Levi's, tight tank kind of chick. And I love that.
Its Friday - Leg day and its an hour workout later on. Yes, Friday night, workout. Its also Valentines Day weekend, which I guess would mean something to some? But really its a HUGE get your ass to work weekend for me and hoping to get some double sets in to keep my mind and body clear and ready to go.
Your body will reject anything trying to hurt it and my body was doing exactly what it was made to do. When I was cleansed, my skin was clear, I was sleeping better, mood was up and up. Huge difference, now that I am fully back on the plan, (which few of my friends are on it with me for shits and giggles..), since they want to enjoy having a nice healthy body as well as the cosmetic reasons, who wouldn't want to be sexy for the summer? You be lying if you said you didn't.
My last prep I had a few work trips, which normally suck since working with coworkers, that literally eat until they burst, makes for more a challenge, but I have learned to head to the store wherever I am, carry my lovely thermal bag and have a "balance". Sure I will have a cookie, but I am not going to have 20. That's the difference. Do I have cravings? Sure. But the natural high is truly like anything else I have ever had.
Workout wise, I am lifting a little bit differently, heavier on back and shoulders, since I am doing figure. My coach is going to lend me this amazing suit, which I cannot WAIT to wear and I have been working on posing. Its a little bit different than bikini division, but I feel I will be better in this one since honestly I am not a "girly girl" by any means and as much as I like flaunting my $hit, I don't wear dresses, heels or any of those things, so the bikini posing and strut really was not my thing. I am a more of down to business, wearing my boots, Levi's, tight tank kind of chick. And I love that.
Its Friday - Leg day and its an hour workout later on. Yes, Friday night, workout. Its also Valentines Day weekend, which I guess would mean something to some? But really its a HUGE get your ass to work weekend for me and hoping to get some double sets in to keep my mind and body clear and ready to go.
Friday, January 8, 2016
Relationship Reflections
Whether or not any of this is worth reading, eh its my blog so here we go. There are so many points I have learned from my divorce, my failed marriage and my relationships after my marriage had ended. Whether this person was a go between life to have me learn new lessons, is still not fully decided, but in regards in the people I have met I have truly found I have learned a lot about myself and about life while trying to go through the process of "healing"..
For one its okay to fail. With failing you learn more about what went wrong. I am sure there is a lot of people on this earth that go around thinking they are perfect and I am glad life is perfect for them, but for the rest of us, that's just not how things roll. Shit usually falls down hill sorta speak. By knowing what you did, or how you lived and what you were not happy with, you know in the future what you will not ever again stand. Therefore, lesson learnt right? I am sure there are people that will say anything is fixable, but honestly there is only so much that is and Respect if not there, is not something that will ever be able to be fixed, does not matter how much scotch tape you have.
Taking time for yourself and truly reflecting on what type of person you truly wish to be. Many people just float around and just go with it, hang out with their families and just end up the way other people expect you to be. By stepping away, living alone, and adjusting your thoughts your able to truly come up with your own thought process. Read more. You get more constructive and actually know how much you are truly deserving of certain aspects in life.
From my marriage I know what went wrong, doesn't matter at the end, people tend to fly south with their emotions but during the I suppose their was a moment that could have been saved and neither of us really gave two shits. Date nights stopped. Sex became unimportant and really any time spent was a thing of the passed. Digital appliances were something that were more important than actual human beings. Which is something more dominant in today's culture. SO, video games, TV (seriously who the hell needs a TV in the bedroom..never again!), Movies, cell phones, smart phones, you name it, your on and your avoiding your loved ones. For the future, if the person is on any digital things they will not stay long in my book I need their full attention. Just that simple.
Just being grateful for those times you do have alone. Looking around and knowing that you know what you don't have to deal with anyone's else's BS. Its pretty liberating. I had a really close friend that truly helped me realize how much I was truly sacrificing while being married and how I was not myself. I was not me. These types of people are honest and are willing to help with pretty much anything and from the outside able to get you through the shitty parts, especially the divorce part where your going through court dealing with asset division, yea fun times! While back at the ranch your able to meet up with these people and go dancing at your favorite beach hang out and eat a sandwich with at your favorite park. Its those simple experiences that get you through and in the end you realize what truly is important. Its your happiness. No amount of anything else can replace that.
You truly move on. You see yourself focusing on your future, you can see yourself taking over the world, whether or not you will fail at those things, lets do it. Cause you sure know that your ex would never or tried. You have your dog in toe, your friends texting and meeting up with you, as well as your family always rooting for you. You have that smile. It comes back after so long even though you think you will never smile again, or get that feeling of "sigh". At one point I only had that sigh, with a particular situation, but realizing you can get that sigh alone and not without anyone else, its liberating and your able to do anything. You move forward, you never forget and you realize those experiences helped you in life, made you who you are and makes you smarter for it. Whether or not everything was correct, who cares?
Life is not perfect. There are no road maps for this crap and I don't expect to stay on a perfect path. I am by no means someone that follows the perfect path anyway, and I am not average, cause if I was I suppose after marrying my high school sweetie, gotten pregnant and just given up my career like so many others, but knowing I wanted to at least have independence in my life and always have that control (my mom pushed this on me from an early age!!)( THANKS MOM your the best..). Not talking 100% control, but at least control to get up and leave if I am in a bad situation, I am not going to stay with anyone kids or no kids, just because they handle the finances, its just so silly, I work in order to keep my freedom. I have the freedom to do anything and for my generation and the next--I hope all women choose those options instead of sitting there and playing the victim. Since they truly don't have to put up such nonsense, lies, or any other crap, that we women have to deal with on a regular basis. Protecting yourself is another piece. Not just talking physically, but heart wise and every which way possible, hence always having a back up plan, education, ideas of businesses and having an emergency fund of money so you can leave at any point with just you or whatever kids you do have.
My last thought is if I had to change anything is to fall in love over and over with my partner and finding new ways to love them so it often grows into something new. That's the huge part I am seeing, people just give up, they stop going out and they just become complement of their situation. And obviously when something new and fun comes along, can you really blame them? You need to take care of your partner as whole--this works both ways or truly the relationship is dead. No relationship is affair proof, so always be on your guard, be the best person you can do them and care for them as much as you can while your with them. If you don't want to, then leave and stop wasting everyone's time. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other every day. No one has to stay with you, and there are no promises in life for anything. If you don't take someones heart into consideration there will be consequences and someone else may steal their heart.
This is starting to seem like a therapy session, but regardless in my self reflections I am sure there are others that feel this way as well. Love is love. And when people show you truly whom they are, believe them, since it will only get worse over time. Words to think about there. As with anything though, chin up, follow through and be confident that you at least did the right thing. I know I did. And I don't regret anything I have done in life. Lots of great moments, learning experiences and people that I will never forget. When You do feel lost, do not be afraid just go ahead and "live, until you truly feel alive.." It will happen again, and mind you your happiness is not bound to any other person being around. And that is what is the relationship that is truly important, the one with yourself.
For one its okay to fail. With failing you learn more about what went wrong. I am sure there is a lot of people on this earth that go around thinking they are perfect and I am glad life is perfect for them, but for the rest of us, that's just not how things roll. Shit usually falls down hill sorta speak. By knowing what you did, or how you lived and what you were not happy with, you know in the future what you will not ever again stand. Therefore, lesson learnt right? I am sure there are people that will say anything is fixable, but honestly there is only so much that is and Respect if not there, is not something that will ever be able to be fixed, does not matter how much scotch tape you have.
Taking time for yourself and truly reflecting on what type of person you truly wish to be. Many people just float around and just go with it, hang out with their families and just end up the way other people expect you to be. By stepping away, living alone, and adjusting your thoughts your able to truly come up with your own thought process. Read more. You get more constructive and actually know how much you are truly deserving of certain aspects in life.
From my marriage I know what went wrong, doesn't matter at the end, people tend to fly south with their emotions but during the I suppose their was a moment that could have been saved and neither of us really gave two shits. Date nights stopped. Sex became unimportant and really any time spent was a thing of the passed. Digital appliances were something that were more important than actual human beings. Which is something more dominant in today's culture. SO, video games, TV (seriously who the hell needs a TV in the bedroom..never again!), Movies, cell phones, smart phones, you name it, your on and your avoiding your loved ones. For the future, if the person is on any digital things they will not stay long in my book I need their full attention. Just that simple.
Just being grateful for those times you do have alone. Looking around and knowing that you know what you don't have to deal with anyone's else's BS. Its pretty liberating. I had a really close friend that truly helped me realize how much I was truly sacrificing while being married and how I was not myself. I was not me. These types of people are honest and are willing to help with pretty much anything and from the outside able to get you through the shitty parts, especially the divorce part where your going through court dealing with asset division, yea fun times! While back at the ranch your able to meet up with these people and go dancing at your favorite beach hang out and eat a sandwich with at your favorite park. Its those simple experiences that get you through and in the end you realize what truly is important. Its your happiness. No amount of anything else can replace that.
You truly move on. You see yourself focusing on your future, you can see yourself taking over the world, whether or not you will fail at those things, lets do it. Cause you sure know that your ex would never or tried. You have your dog in toe, your friends texting and meeting up with you, as well as your family always rooting for you. You have that smile. It comes back after so long even though you think you will never smile again, or get that feeling of "sigh". At one point I only had that sigh, with a particular situation, but realizing you can get that sigh alone and not without anyone else, its liberating and your able to do anything. You move forward, you never forget and you realize those experiences helped you in life, made you who you are and makes you smarter for it. Whether or not everything was correct, who cares?
Life is not perfect. There are no road maps for this crap and I don't expect to stay on a perfect path. I am by no means someone that follows the perfect path anyway, and I am not average, cause if I was I suppose after marrying my high school sweetie, gotten pregnant and just given up my career like so many others, but knowing I wanted to at least have independence in my life and always have that control (my mom pushed this on me from an early age!!)( THANKS MOM your the best..). Not talking 100% control, but at least control to get up and leave if I am in a bad situation, I am not going to stay with anyone kids or no kids, just because they handle the finances, its just so silly, I work in order to keep my freedom. I have the freedom to do anything and for my generation and the next--I hope all women choose those options instead of sitting there and playing the victim. Since they truly don't have to put up such nonsense, lies, or any other crap, that we women have to deal with on a regular basis. Protecting yourself is another piece. Not just talking physically, but heart wise and every which way possible, hence always having a back up plan, education, ideas of businesses and having an emergency fund of money so you can leave at any point with just you or whatever kids you do have.
My last thought is if I had to change anything is to fall in love over and over with my partner and finding new ways to love them so it often grows into something new. That's the huge part I am seeing, people just give up, they stop going out and they just become complement of their situation. And obviously when something new and fun comes along, can you really blame them? You need to take care of your partner as whole--this works both ways or truly the relationship is dead. No relationship is affair proof, so always be on your guard, be the best person you can do them and care for them as much as you can while your with them. If you don't want to, then leave and stop wasting everyone's time. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other every day. No one has to stay with you, and there are no promises in life for anything. If you don't take someones heart into consideration there will be consequences and someone else may steal their heart.
This is starting to seem like a therapy session, but regardless in my self reflections I am sure there are others that feel this way as well. Love is love. And when people show you truly whom they are, believe them, since it will only get worse over time. Words to think about there. As with anything though, chin up, follow through and be confident that you at least did the right thing. I know I did. And I don't regret anything I have done in life. Lots of great moments, learning experiences and people that I will never forget. When You do feel lost, do not be afraid just go ahead and "live, until you truly feel alive.." It will happen again, and mind you your happiness is not bound to any other person being around. And that is what is the relationship that is truly important, the one with yourself.
