Test of the wills

Last few weeks have been a test of the minds let me tell you with lots of show prep. Social norm is obviously the opposite way, but when people eat healthy and workout a lot, its suddenly an issue. As a fitness person you teeter in weight, its actually very common and whether I am 120 or 150, it doesn't matter my measurements speak volumes, as well as my body fat %.

I strive for whatever at the time my ideal is, whether show, lifestyle or whatever hell the goal might be. Sure I am lean and I will get leaner, its the goal and its show season. But I guess if I was going the other way people would be okay with that? I doubt that as well, and they would tell me I was getting chubby. With anything it takes great strength to pull yourself through something and trying to achieve a more perfect physique especially for competing you have to be willing to do whatever it takes. Yup, cutting some carbs, cutting sugars, cutting dairy. And Changing workouts, ADDING in cardio.

There are no short cuts. No pills, or any easy answers. Takes daily work regardless of whatever your fitness goals. Get up stay active, there are no rest days in life.

Am I perfect no? Do I try to control my surroundings? Yes. I will remove myself around people or things that will affect my goals, its just that simple. Obviously there are items I cannot control.

At this time I am dealing with a terrible painful, emotional roller coaster of losing something very close to me. RiRa. I know some people might not understand this kinda of connection, but I am told its very similar of those with a child. Regardless, he has been my guiding light for many years. Helped me through many hard times and very shortly I will have to say good bye.. You don't get to pick good times or bad. There are seasons for everything. We all go through it. I am going to beast through and use my pain and letting go of this amazing horse which helped me in every inch of my life, as my force to continue. Life isn't always 100% way you want, it never will be. There are things you want, sure..but you know what you need. Your inner self knows what your suppose to be doing, and many times doing the right thing honestly will feel like the worst possible thing ever, but in the case with my beloved horse RiRa, his options are very limited. He is in pain and I cannot allow a friend of mine like this to continue. I am giving myself sometime obviously to adjust to the idea of letting go, but regardless it will be rough. I will overcome it. I look at him and he tells me what I need to do. Nature tells you if you listen and I have my ears pretty open at this point to figure it out. There is a time for everything and a season...and for this season the start of Fall--a loss of a friend will have to be something in the cards for me.

Remembering how far I came, what I had to do to get there..as with my horse remembering the good times. The amazing beach rides, horse shows, trail rides and whatever snuggle sessions I stole in between moon lighting. I am truly blessed. I am glad that I have such amazing friends and family, to be able to support me through probably one of the more difficult times in my life. (Honestly, probably even worse then me filling out divorce papers..)- hey I'm honest with this one. My horse is worth a lot in my eyes.

Not everything in life is cheery or happy, its just that simple. This season apparently in my life is setup for heartache, loss and emotional turmoil. But how will I overcome? Well only way I know really know how. Keeping control of my workouts daily, keeping my head in the game and prepping my meals. I cannot control other crazy people or whatever else illness/accidents that can occur on my friends/animals, but my own life I have control. I know what I am doing, who I am and what I am capable of doing. Everything else is just noise from others. Taking the horse blinders out for a bit to even get more focused. This pony has her eye on the prize and November 14th, regardless what obstacles come my way I will attack them full force, no matter what they are.